I already wrote How Hoe Traits Can Help Your Career: Part I and wanted to expand it with Part II. Part I had pretty basic hoe traits, when I know a lot of hoes are capable of more than that so this round is a bit more advanced. I’m convinced that being a hoe is one of the best ways to prepare for a successful career and here are more reasons why:
- Hoe Trait: Manipulation
Let’s face it: part of being a hoe is knowing how to get what you want out of people. The best way to do that is without them realizing it. If you can pinpoint who the best people to move your career forward are, then you should craft relationships with them with that goal in mind. People who move your career forward aren’t always obvious. A VP may have a lot of influence, but may not have time for you or be willing to give a shit about you since they have a million hounds going after their influence. Managers tend to have connections and their jobs are to maintain relationships, so they are a great start. If you have friends who are well connected, then these are also great resources.
The key to manipulation is seeming sincere and not at all like someone who would know a thing about the art of manipulation. You should even be wary of showcasing your manipulation tactics with clients, because colleagues will catch on quickly. A good way to begin is to actually be sincere and create genuine relationships with people. Then, you must give them something they want at the beginning of the relationship and expect nothing in return. Offer a reference, stay late and help them with a project, cover for them when they need a day off or simply listen to them bitch whenever they need to. Don’t ask small favors of them because then they won’t feel indebted to you and you want to save it for when you really need it.
By the time you do need a favor your relationship should be built in a way that makes it a shoe in. You have an interview for a business development position and your coworker’s uncle happens to oversee that department? “Wow, what a coincidence. It would be great if you get him to have lunch with me” Bam. You are now a business development consultant and doubled your salary.
There are smaller ways to manipulate people, as well, but I’m wary of using them. You could get your coworkers to do the work you hate, or turn them all against a coworker you don’t like, but it’s at the risk of revealing your skills. In my experience creating real friendships and comradery with your closest coworkers is the best bet, because the people who work most closely with you will be able to see right through you. They could make or break your career. Use manipulation sparingly and be as genuine as possible. I like to think of this as more of guided friendship, than straight up manipulation. Do with it what you will, just be cautious.
- Hoe Trait: Sizing up the competition
I’m sticking to the advice I gave about manipulation and I’m going to tell you not to blatantly tear anyone down. The hoe that is known for tearing people down is known for being jealous and spiteful. Nobody likes that hoe. People may be afraid of that hoe, but they’re also going to be afraid to promote them or help them get ahead. It’s not a good sign if people are trying to keep their distance from you.
I have a coworker I don’t get along with. Let’s call him Jeff. I can’t stand him. Jeff grovels at every male in senior management and kisses ass every time they’re around. Then he treats all his female coworkers like shit and acts like we’re his personal secretaries even when we outrank him. Jeff is the worst.
I once had to go on a business trip with Jeff, and my company decided since we were going together we only needed one car. Jeff decided to abandon me in favor of networking and never once invited me out with him. Essentially his plan was to leave me stranded at the hotel while he made meaningful connections. Rather than be upset, I went to the hotel bar and made better connections. In fact it was a VP from our company who took me out with his group for dinner. We laughed and had a great time, the beginning of an amazing working relationship. He told me Jeff had inquired about a position he had open and asked where he was. I said he had gone out with some of the other guys.
“And he didn’t invite you?” he asked me. I just shrugged and made an excuse about him being young and wanting to get ahead. I never said one negative thing about Jeff and, in fact, made excuses for him. The thing about VPs is that they are normally very smart. He saw right through my excuses. This particular VP said that was a bullshit thing for a coworker to do on an out-of-town trip and he ended up not offering Jeff the position. Nobody wants to hire someone that isn’t a team player. The ironic thing about this story is that Jeff deemed me as uninfluential to his career by leaving me behind, when in fact I ended up being extremely influential without him ever knowing.
The thing about Jeff, or all competition, is that you can’t let them get under your skin. You won’t always win, but if I had badmouthed Jeff I would have lost. I would be the girl who badmouths her coworkers and Jeff would have gotten what he wanted. Know your competition, control your emotions and never say a bad word about them. People will eventually recognize a snake and they will do all the dirty work for you.
What I will advise for you to do is position yourself against your competitors. Meaning if most of your colleagues have a master’s degree, then you should get master’s degree or equivalent. Watch what they’re doing to build their resumes and skills so you can be sure to do the same, but better. There could be a time in your career when you’re competing directly with another person for a job and are both equally qualified, except they have a little more education or experience than you. You’d rather be on the winning end of that equation.
- Hoe Trait: Make it known what you want
You are a hoe. That means you’ve seen some shit, you’ve done some shit and ultimately you know what you want. You don’t have to be a snake like Jeff. You should have learned from being a hoe that if you want head, you ask for head. It’s a lot easier that way than to hope someone eventually figures it out or assumes what you want (in all fairness, we all want head).
The same goes with your career. If you work for the type of company that assumes you are going to stay in your job forever and has no intention of helping you get forward, then find a new job that supports you. Once that is done you need to tell your manager, your colleagues, your CEO, and whoever will listen exactly what you want. Of course maintain that you are happy where you are and love your job (even if you don’t), but you want to work hard enough to get to the next position. Most people love ambition and hard workers, there’s no reason to hide it.
I’ve found when I was actually upfront about where I wanted to go a lot of people were willing to help; whether it was to set up lunches with people in that position, or offer advice on how to move up. These things will be very helpful to your career. If your employer offers sit-ins with specific departments I highly recommend it. Do it as much as you can and write personalized thank you notes every time.
- Hoe Trait: Trust issues
I couldn’t do a list of hoe traits without bringing up the somber side of being a hoe. It’s likely if you became a hoe, then at one point you developed trust issues. This could have been from a parent, watching a close relative be treated poorly, or being treated poorly yourself. At one point you decided it was better to keep people at an arm’s length and that’s ok. It is your choice. I’m not a therapist and can’t talk you through your personal issues, but I can say that this isn’t a bad trait to have in the workforce.
I don’t suggest putting all your eggs in one basket, letting work relationships get too personal or getting emotionally invested in anything at work. Getting too attached to your job or coworkers could lead to complacency. Its hard to leave a job you’re emotionally invested in and if people see that they can leverage it against you. Telling a colleague too much could allow them to backstab you. Keeping people at an arm’s length will also allow you to see your career and work relationships objectively. This could result in making better decisions like seeing when a career move is a bad idea. Not to mention it’s a good idea to keep professional relationships just that: professional. Romantic relationships are messy at best and could lead to worse performance or office drama, which is the last thing you should ever be associated with. Know your goals and focus on them, it’s ok if you make a best friend at work, but even that friendship should be kept mainly out of the office. You can remain personable, and still not be too deeply invested in any person or position.
Lastly, I just want to tell you that, as a former hoe, I know it’s hard sometimes. You’ve probably been made fun of, called a slut and put down for your body or behavior and that sucks. Because, it’s most likely that you’re strong, resilient and know how to get what you want. These are positive traits that should be rewarded and celebrated. You’ve probably seen a benefit to being independent and self-sufficient which led you to this advice to begin with. That’s great. And no matter what you want to do, whether it’s living off various yachts with wealthy businessmen, or becoming CEO: I think if you are strong enough, and smart enough to get through life being a hoe, then you can do anything. I used to have days where I felt completely worthless, or talentless and couldn’t imagine my life ever getting to where I am today and I promise the same can be true for any hoe.
I thank you for reading my blog post and hope you learned something from it.